Engineering Without Regret
Engineering Without Regret
Tracy Brower speaks about happiness, work-life balance, and the future of work. Advisor and coach, the vice president of workplace insights for Steelcase offers advice for engineering without regret.
When asked, if given the chance, would they choose a different field of study, engineers were the least likely to regret their decisions. The Federal Reserve System recently said that “73 percent of those who studied engineering said the benefits of education exceeded the costs—the highest of any field of study.”
The report, “Economic Well-Being of U.S. Households in 2023,” may have found that engineers thought the benefit of their education exceeded the cost, so there was little regret, but how about later on, when their engineering career was in full swing?
According to Tracy Brower, sociologist and author who speaks about happiness, work-life balance, and the future of work, “We all go through career regrets. And because we tend to feel really isolated when we're going through a period of regret, we don't realize that so many people go through the same thing.”
The advisor and coach for the Center for Leadership at Hope College, advisor for the Michigan State University Master of Industrial Mathematics Program, and vice president of workplace insights for Steelcase explained that regret can come in many forms. “We may be in a situation where we feel like we weren't treated fairly, for example,” she said. We talk with Brower about regret and avoiding looking back on your engineering career and wishing you had done it differently.
Q: Are regrets part of professional life?
TB: Regrets do come with the territory. There are times when we did our best work. We performed brilliantly, but we just ran into the buzzsaw. And sometimes we might look back and say, “I just wasn't at my best at that point, like I hadn't learned yet about being a great performer, a great leader, or a great engineer. I wasn't in the right kind of situation for me, and I wasn't doing my best.”
And then sometimes we can take a wrong turn. You might like the nature of your work, the content of your work. But you may not like the context of your work, and any of those can kind of set us up for regret.
Q: What do people regret most—the decisions made or opportunities lost?
TB: It’s all about the opportunities missed. The popular press may say to set boundaries and that less is more. But actually, when we say “yes” more frequently, when we take appropriate risks and step out for that next job or the next opportunity, and we're mostly ready even if we're not completely ready, those are the kinds of things that are associated with happiness and work-life fulfillment.
And so regret often comes into play when people look back at situations where we say, “I could have, should have, what I wish I had done” so saying “yes” more frequently is a great idea. Regret can absolutely be things that we did. It could be actions we took that were not the best. But more frequently, they're actions that we didn't take.
Q: If you could only offer one piece of advice to avoid regret, what would it be?
TB: There are definitely steps we can take. The first thing is to find what is really most important to you. Maybe it's flexibility. Maybe it's the content of your work. Maybe it's the pay. Make sure that you're really clear about those priorities, and then make choices based on those priorities and make sure they're your own.
There are so many people that you hear say, “I took this really cool new opportunity. And the pay was amazing. But then, it wasn't the right culture, or it wasn't the right job.” So first, reflect on what those priorities are for you, and then make decisions that are as aligned as possible with what you love and with what's most important to you. Ignore all the other noise out there.
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When we're trying to avoid career regret, we're thinking about the big picture. For example, the choices we make before kids and partners are different than the choices we make later on. And one of the really important things is to remember that you can always reinvent yourself. When we're first starting out, we tend to think there are lots more options and opportunities, particularly after we have a little bit of experience under our belt.
But we can always be learning, be growing, and adapting. So be sure to check in with yourself and ask yourself periodically, “What do I want to do next? What might be interesting to me?”
Focus on learning. When we learn something new, we stretch and grow. and that is strongly correlated with happiness. It could be a new skill or maybe a new industry. That’s what makes engineering so exciting. You can kind of come in one door, and then there are lots of other doors available to those who adapt, learn, grow, and stretch.
Q: Are there generational differences when it comes to regret?
TB: When we look at the generations, we find that the most important thing is life stage. We find that we have different priorities in our careers over the life stages. The youngest generations, early life stage, maybe no partner, and maybe no kids. Their priorities tend to be visibility. Build your career, look for a mentor, and build social capital. So to avoid regret, they try to be in the office more. Maybe they’re reaching out to a mentor and creating relationships. They are making choices to take bigger risks.
There are things you can do to avoid regret at that middle stage of your career. We may be doing the daycare dash or elder care. We tend to want, at this stage, to do everything we can to perform as well as possible. We want to get in, get out, and get the work done. So there, I what you're really doing to avoid regret is choosing opportunities where you have all the things you need to succeed. You have tools like training, colleagues we can count on, and great leaders. You have all those fundamentals.
And then late-stage people tend to want to leave a legacy, mentor others, and be part of organizational memory. So opportunities to avoid regret are connecting, offering to mentor others, and sharing and codifying knowledge. Capturing all of your lessons learned and missteps is important.
Q: When it comes to regret, is it ever best to sit back and not act?
TB: We tend to define all stress as bad. But we don't necessarily have to regret a stressful situation. Some stress and risk can be motivating. When we are working on a really difficult project. When we are working to come up with a solution to a really difficult problem or a huge challenge, it is motivating. We are working with a team. We are rolling up our sleeves. We have an opportunity to support others. When we're going through stress, we might be at our best.
You have to remember that sometimes your best accomplishments are the most difficult you go through. There's actually a paradox of happiness that when you accomplish something for which you've worked really, really hard, you'll actually be happier with that accomplishment.
But remember to make your own decision. A good example is if you're being encouraged to take that next level of responsibility. And you know you're not going to love it. The best thing you can do is not do that. You may not want to lead people.
You need to look at what is best for you, and you might have to say “no” to the position. It could be more money, but it could mean a move or more travel, but it may not be right at that time in your life. Sometimes the best way to find happiness is to really limit some risk, set boundaries, or make choices that are your own rather than what somebody else would choose. So yes, be proactive and take action, but sometimes the right action is no action.
Cathy Cecere is membership content program manager.
The report, “Economic Well-Being of U.S. Households in 2023,” may have found that engineers thought the benefit of their education exceeded the cost, so there was little regret, but how about later on, when their engineering career was in full swing?
According to Tracy Brower, sociologist and author who speaks about happiness, work-life balance, and the future of work, “We all go through career regrets. And because we tend to feel really isolated when we're going through a period of regret, we don't realize that so many people go through the same thing.”
The advisor and coach for the Center for Leadership at Hope College, advisor for the Michigan State University Master of Industrial Mathematics Program, and vice president of workplace insights for Steelcase explained that regret can come in many forms. “We may be in a situation where we feel like we weren't treated fairly, for example,” she said. We talk with Brower about regret and avoiding looking back on your engineering career and wishing you had done it differently.
Q: Are regrets part of professional life?
TB: Regrets do come with the territory. There are times when we did our best work. We performed brilliantly, but we just ran into the buzzsaw. And sometimes we might look back and say, “I just wasn't at my best at that point, like I hadn't learned yet about being a great performer, a great leader, or a great engineer. I wasn't in the right kind of situation for me, and I wasn't doing my best.”
And then sometimes we can take a wrong turn. You might like the nature of your work, the content of your work. But you may not like the context of your work, and any of those can kind of set us up for regret.
Q: What do people regret most—the decisions made or opportunities lost?
TB: It’s all about the opportunities missed. The popular press may say to set boundaries and that less is more. But actually, when we say “yes” more frequently, when we take appropriate risks and step out for that next job or the next opportunity, and we're mostly ready even if we're not completely ready, those are the kinds of things that are associated with happiness and work-life fulfillment.
And so regret often comes into play when people look back at situations where we say, “I could have, should have, what I wish I had done” so saying “yes” more frequently is a great idea. Regret can absolutely be things that we did. It could be actions we took that were not the best. But more frequently, they're actions that we didn't take.
Q: If you could only offer one piece of advice to avoid regret, what would it be?
TB: There are definitely steps we can take. The first thing is to find what is really most important to you. Maybe it's flexibility. Maybe it's the content of your work. Maybe it's the pay. Make sure that you're really clear about those priorities, and then make choices based on those priorities and make sure they're your own.
There are so many people that you hear say, “I took this really cool new opportunity. And the pay was amazing. But then, it wasn't the right culture, or it wasn't the right job.” So first, reflect on what those priorities are for you, and then make decisions that are as aligned as possible with what you love and with what's most important to you. Ignore all the other noise out there.
Discover the Benefits of ASME Membership
When we're trying to avoid career regret, we're thinking about the big picture. For example, the choices we make before kids and partners are different than the choices we make later on. And one of the really important things is to remember that you can always reinvent yourself. When we're first starting out, we tend to think there are lots more options and opportunities, particularly after we have a little bit of experience under our belt.
But we can always be learning, be growing, and adapting. So be sure to check in with yourself and ask yourself periodically, “What do I want to do next? What might be interesting to me?”
Focus on learning. When we learn something new, we stretch and grow. and that is strongly correlated with happiness. It could be a new skill or maybe a new industry. That’s what makes engineering so exciting. You can kind of come in one door, and then there are lots of other doors available to those who adapt, learn, grow, and stretch.
Q: Are there generational differences when it comes to regret?
TB: When we look at the generations, we find that the most important thing is life stage. We find that we have different priorities in our careers over the life stages. The youngest generations, early life stage, maybe no partner, and maybe no kids. Their priorities tend to be visibility. Build your career, look for a mentor, and build social capital. So to avoid regret, they try to be in the office more. Maybe they’re reaching out to a mentor and creating relationships. They are making choices to take bigger risks.
There are things you can do to avoid regret at that middle stage of your career. We may be doing the daycare dash or elder care. We tend to want, at this stage, to do everything we can to perform as well as possible. We want to get in, get out, and get the work done. So there, I what you're really doing to avoid regret is choosing opportunities where you have all the things you need to succeed. You have tools like training, colleagues we can count on, and great leaders. You have all those fundamentals.
And then late-stage people tend to want to leave a legacy, mentor others, and be part of organizational memory. So opportunities to avoid regret are connecting, offering to mentor others, and sharing and codifying knowledge. Capturing all of your lessons learned and missteps is important.
Q: When it comes to regret, is it ever best to sit back and not act?
TB: We tend to define all stress as bad. But we don't necessarily have to regret a stressful situation. Some stress and risk can be motivating. When we are working on a really difficult project. When we are working to come up with a solution to a really difficult problem or a huge challenge, it is motivating. We are working with a team. We are rolling up our sleeves. We have an opportunity to support others. When we're going through stress, we might be at our best.
You have to remember that sometimes your best accomplishments are the most difficult you go through. There's actually a paradox of happiness that when you accomplish something for which you've worked really, really hard, you'll actually be happier with that accomplishment.
But remember to make your own decision. A good example is if you're being encouraged to take that next level of responsibility. And you know you're not going to love it. The best thing you can do is not do that. You may not want to lead people.
You need to look at what is best for you, and you might have to say “no” to the position. It could be more money, but it could mean a move or more travel, but it may not be right at that time in your life. Sometimes the best way to find happiness is to really limit some risk, set boundaries, or make choices that are your own rather than what somebody else would choose. So yes, be proactive and take action, but sometimes the right action is no action.
Cathy Cecere is membership content program manager.
